How to drive like a moron:
When a traffic light turns green, accelerate and then hit the brakes for no reason.
On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle next to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
Keep your ski racks on all year round so that you look like a police car in other car's rear-view mirrors.
While listening to your favorite song, let other drivers on the road know that your listing to your favorite song. The best way to do this is, is to steer the car with your knee, pretend to be holding a pair of drum sticks, and start beating away at the steering wheel and rear-view mirror. While the whole time bobbing your head all over the place.
If you are on vacation and you see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and fire trucks so you get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
When approaching a green traffic light, slow down, wait for it to turn yellow, and come to a complete stop. Then just as it turns red, drive though and leave behind all the cars in back of you.
When traveling with a pet in the back seat, turn around every 2 minutes and make sure little "Pookey" is okay. "How are you doing, Pookey? You like the car, Pookey? Who's my little Pookey? Good Pookey!!" Meanwhile, drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other reaching behind the seat petting "Pookey's" little ears.
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